I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
