***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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