Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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