I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize