yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize