Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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