Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
