honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
