How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
