I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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