And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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