Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
