Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
