she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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