My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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