i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my being single is dangerous.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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