yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
