GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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