All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize