i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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