why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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