It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
