summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
