She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
