Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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