1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
