True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
not ubering you a puppy
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