I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
