i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
