Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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