So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
