I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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