Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
