Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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