Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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