NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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