Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
