she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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