My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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