I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You made out with two different species that night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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