so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
