Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I party with great urgency now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
