i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
