This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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