Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I did not marry a roomba.
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