So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
