i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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