I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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