is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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