There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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