They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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