yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
