I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
