Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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