So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This is my gift to your gina
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
