Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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