Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
