You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
