He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
