you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
a search helicopter?!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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