I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Text me some of your sweat
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
