Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
