giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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