I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
