i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
