dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
