my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
