so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
