You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
